The Prelude of Love, The Journey of Faith: Part 6 - Godliness

"... and to Perseverance, Godliness..."
-2 Peter 1:6

Alright... Here we are. Three Steps from the finish, and I have a small problem. God has given us a set of steps in 2 Peter that state how to acquire Love... and now... out of the blue... God has gifted something to me. He has taught me what cannot be taught... to Love.

To summarize my last post, I very briefly skimmed over Trust being the most important part of Perseverance, and attempted to allude to another form of Self-Control that I cannot quickly put into words. A very inadequate form to state it would be, "Loving by Losing."

Even the Love God has shown me, Love from a Man to a Woman, is different from the World's view. Even in the smallest points it differs! The World says, "I Love you, you should Love me" ('twas my own view for a while), but out Liege says and tells us to live this; "I Love you, and will both love and Love you (See Prelude of Love, Journey of Faith: Part 2 - Virtue for more on the distinction) no matter whether you Love me or not."

Approximately three weeks before I wrote my last post, I was injured in a classroom related accident, and had the chance to sit for a very long time at home, praying, reading the Word, and growing closer to God. In this time a prayer that I used to pray two or three times a day became a continuous motto for those immobile weeks. "Lord, Teach me to Love... 'Brianna' (not her real name), my Best Friend."

Until this time, I had simply enjoyed being in her presence, looked forward to her calls, and constantly spoke about her to anyone and everyone whom I came in contact with. In short, I "liked" her, and even "(l)oved" her, but didn't yet possess the ability to "(L)ove" her with never-ending Love. Near the end of this time, the Lord gave me a gift, as from a Liege to his servant... He gave me the gift of Love. I Love her.

(You can skip the next 11 paragraphs, its just rambling and summarizing the last lessons)

Then something happened that I did not imagine. I thought (as do many who ask the Lord for Love) that when I began to Love her, she would Love me in return. But that was not God's plan.

A young man, "Jarid Seal," a man who chases after God, won her heart.

And thus I began to Persevere, for while I in myself would enter to vie for her heart and Love, for one reason or another, I must wait. I must Persevere.

(And here's where the "Keeping it Real" part of my blog comes in)

I should, and do, feel joy for "Brianna," she has found a Man who Loves God maybe more than I, one whose honest simplicity is rarely seen. But I also feel sorrow.

I had a long problem to complete earlier this week, and doing it took all my concentration, it took me to nearly 1:00 AM, but when it was done, I had nothing else pressing that I could do, and my sorrow came upon me.

My tears of prayer, joy, and immeasurable sorrow. From 1:00 AM to 11:00 AM I cried. I would think that my tears were gone, then I would remember sone of those "Just Friends" moments that I wish had become more... A laugh we had shared, tears we had shed together, even harsh words thrown between us, and my tears would resume.

I even began to pray, and remembered that the last time I had been praying at that time was because I was awoken from a deep sleep to pray for her, and I began to cry some more. All that to say this, my next lesson will be quite interesting... Loving her, and blessing her, and in every way, shape, and form, following God's guidelines of "Let her Love," "Love her by losing," "Wait (maybe for all time) to even tell her how you feel."

There's a song about staying pure until marriage, and it somehow applies here (I know it because on one of our times of just hanging out before, "Brianna" showed it to me).

True Love waits,
Don't let anyone change your ways
Look them all straight in the face
And tell em, No matter what I'll remain the same
Don't want to be deceived
See, I've found the key can't you see
That I believe, I believe
That True Love waits for me, waits for me

I can tell you that the Lord has given me Love for her, but has told me to stay in the background and wait, maybe for her, maybe not, but that against all my Heart wants to do, to fade out and let her learn to Love.

(If you skipped paragraphs, come back in here!)

I think... in a way... He's teaching me a lesson about Godliness.

I have an idea now, how our Liege-Lord feels, when He stands there, Loving us, waiting for us, and we love another, we love the world. "Brianna" and I have been Friends for a long time, Best Friends from my standpoint, and our friendship grew slowly but deeply in that time.

The same with us and God, our relationship with Him often grows deeper and sweeter slowly, and we eventually become true Friends.

The time when "Brianna" needed me for an ear has passed, and I cannot tell you how sad I have been to not be able to bring some Joy from her Sorrow.

With God, we never come to the point where we no longer need Him. My heart aches when I remember those Longer-than-an-hour calls, and I know that she doesn't need me... What must God feel like when we pray for long times when we feel like we need Him, but when we don't feel that need (but still have it!) we stop and become re-entombed in pain and sin because of it.

I was turned away for someone who I believe may truly be better for her, but what about when we turn God away for something that will only cause us death?

And yet God still Loves us!

God is Love!

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails"
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God never fails!

This is Virtue; This is Godliness.

Patience, Kindness, Lack of Envy, Lack of Boastfulness, Lack of even Pride! No Rudeness, no Self-Seeking (that's the one my flesh has a problem with!), Not easily brought to Anger, Never keeping records of Wrongs. Never delighting in Evil, Always rejoicing in Truth, always Protecting, always Trusting, always Hoping, always Preserving, and never, ever, Failing these qualities.

That is Godliness. Without Godliness, there can be no Love! These parts do not encompass all of Love, but they are essential to it, without them, there is no Love, just as with no water, there is no Life!

And as an unworthy one to whom God has gifted the capacity for, not all of it, but a large portion of Love, it's true!

Even the ever-troublesome "Self-Seeking," I Love "Brianna" and would/will do anything I can to help her be the best she can be in Christ, even though for now, and maybe forever, it means losing her when I've just begun to Love her. Doing the best for her at my own expense...

Just what Christ did for us.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
-2 Corinthians 5:21

This is Godliness; This is Love.

I can't tell you how I miss knowing that in the middle of the day, just for fun, I might receive a text message from her, or awaiting those Longer-than-an-hour phone calls, and I know that God has a greater plan for her than me. Maybe later I could be the plan... maybe even soon (I hope and pray) but now I am not part of God's greatest plan for her life.

Those of you who have been around for a while may remember my old June 05 post that stated:

Even more recently (June 22nd, 2005) God called me on this calling. The calling to give all we have and all we are, even if we must lose what we desire most.

How does God feel when we break off communication with Him, and it is not because we have something better in our lives, because there is none greater than God! Rather, it is because we have something else in our lives... A new movie, game, job, anything that brings us to a place where we don't spend time with Him. As it was said before; My feelings are of immeasureable sorrow, and I know that "Brianna" is Loving someone in God's will, how must God feel when we give our Love to someone or something that brings us farther from Him and closer to Death.

This is Love: not that we Loved God, but that he Loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
-1 John 4:10

This is Love.

This is Faith: God will reward her for the righteousness I show with her. The substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

This is Knowledge: I may lose her forever, but she will be someday blessed, whether through "Jarid," myself, or another... At some point, this action (or non-action) of standing back though Faith in God will bless her.

This is Virtue: I will commit myself to a Potent Moral Excellence that compels and commands Action to bring her the best God has for her, to the greatest extent that I can.

This is Self-Control: I will do what is best for her, even when it brings me pain, sorrow, hours of tears, even when it means I will lose what I Love.

This is Perseverance: For as long as God requests it of me, I will be her Friend, her Best Friend if He and she will let me be, but no more, for it is His will.

This is Godliness: I will give up all God will let me for her, Love her all the more, and do all that is in the Power God has given me to Love her per 1 Corinthians 13.

This is Brotherly Kindness: I will always be here for her if she need anything, I will be an image of Christ, Loving her with all the Love and love and Brotherly Love God wills to give me.

This is Love: Whether she ever Loves me back or not, I will take what God has placed of Himself within me, and both Love and love her will all that is righteous... Love her with God's (L)ove not "romantic" (l)ove or (L)ove, and if the Lord never tells me that it is right and righteous to Love with all I am through something deeper and romantic (courtship, maybe even marriage), I will Love her with all that is righteous for me, through God; That far, and no farther.
-David Shore



"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
-John 13:34-35

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight [He will direct your paths].
-Proverbs 3:5-6

The Prelude of Love, The Journey of Faith: Part 5 - Perseverance

"...and to self-control, perseverance..."
-2 Peter 1:6

I’m sure that after my last post it seemed ironic that this has been so long in the making. However, this has been a rather long and exhausting lesson for me on the attribute of Perseverance.

In my last post I focused on one very specific portion of Self-Control, because that was the aspect that was being most portrayed around and in me at the time, I tried to do the same here, because to fully examine Perseverance or Patience would take an entire life, if not more, but between the beginning of this post and the end, I learned many lessons regarding Perseverance (including one very interesting one about Solomon) and ended up brushing many different points.

One thing that noted is that the creation or formation of anything worth something requires incomparable amounts of Perseverance. As such, they all contain aspects of Perseverance, the chief of these (in my rather limited experience) being Trust.

“I know I can trust you.” A simple, yet earth-shattering phrase.

Recently, I stood in the middle of a store, and I had been making it a point to look in every face, and in each, I saw sorrow, fear, in some even despair, but every face had a measure of either pride of lack of self-esteem. On none did I see true Joy, and on only one could I see Peace; the face of an infant who looked at me quizzically as he was strolled by.

What have we done here, when Peace is only seen on the face of an infant? When what Joy we see is so often merely a mask, hiding more pain, sorrow, suffering? A month ago I could say that My Best Friend smiles frequently, but often those smiles are only to hide her tears. Now, for several reasons, those times have been more frequent, and the times when her smiles are true, when Joy simply escapes her in laughter… Those times are priceless.

I remember playing Mini-Golf at a church outing, and out of the blue, she mentioned how so many deep promises are left un-kept, how so many times pain from those promises now broken.

Psalms states that God looks down from heaven and asks, “Are there any who understand… Any who seek Me?” David’s response: “I want to be he whose walk is blameless… he who does what is righteous… he who speaks the Truth from his heart.” My addition to that: I want God to say; “I know I can trust you.”

At a conference, I had the pleasure of attending a song was sung, “Jesus, I’ll always stand for You” was the focus of the song, and of course, after the conclusion of the song, there was cheering, clapping, even jumping… But then, the group that I saw who was the most fervent in their praise… Well, a large camera taping the event turned their way, and things changed. Suddenly cries of “I Love You Jesus!” changed to “We Love you [band]!” “Hi Mom!” and “Look at me!!!” But then something happened.

After the fervor had been spent, when most were returning to their seats, out of the silence, two lone voices split the air. I couldn’t hear what one said, but the other shouted a word in Aramaic… “Teruah!” Victory! And in that moment… All Heaven broke loose!

I wish that I could say that those moments when heaven and earth touched changed the lives of all in the arena… but I can’t. Mere hours after this incredible breakthrough I witnessed many who had been there fall, some hard, some not so hard, but all falling. I almost gave up hope that their lives had been changed when something happens that still brings Joy to my heart when I remember.

A Friend stood up. She stood up and Shone. Suddenly, she changed, from a beautiful maiden in spiritual bondage, to a glowingly beyond beautiful, mighty Sword Sister for Christ. She stood, and the world tore away like wet paper bags, fear and doubt fled from her like evil from righteousness, and my Joy was made full.

Through the time since then, I have had the immeasurable privilege of watching her grow in our Liege, Persevering in righteousness, and flying far beyond what I thought she could in the time since then. Unfortunately, one thing has marred my Joy… On that day of breakthrough, I learned many things, but one thing that I should have learned, I didn’t.

“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth…”
-Isaiah 54:4

I can look at a gang with weapons drawn and colors bright and not fear; I can and have stared death in the face and rejoiced because it could only draw me closer to my Lord; I have entered into Spiritual battle and known that my Liege would keep me; but I never learned to look at something of my heart and trust Him. If you’ve read many of my previous posts, you’ll know that I’m sure that I have begun to like and maybe Love my Friend.

To summarize, I asked the Lord to teach me to Love, and let me Love her (hence this long lesson on the Prelude of Love – The Journey of Faith). Also, in God-given Wisdom, I asked the Lord that if His will was for her not to Love me back, I would simply be the best Friend she ever could have (the implication being that we would remain Friends either way).

Anyway, back to my marred Joy.

For a time, in my prayers I found that I shouldn’t act on my emotions, probably because they were still just emotions, nothing more, but little by little, as I have learned of Love, things have changed. Even when my emotions are against me, I have found lessons that the Lord has taught, bring the same feeling of kinship, honor, and trust toward her, even that one that I believe is Love. The Problem? Even with the experience of horrible things and not fearing, I still fear that timeless task of speaking one’s heart to another; for less than a month ago (from this penning) the Lord gave me permission to come and lay my heart before her.

But before you dismiss this as the random writings of a normally deranged youth, hear what my next lesson was.

As I prepared myself to speak, readying myself for either dismissal or acceptance, I grew to learn something… For a long time, it could be objectively stated that I might have been the best person for her… but less than a week after my permission was granted the Lord, it was postscripted with one sentence that will last me for a long while… “But my son, she has walked in darkness long enough, it is good for her to walk in light.”

One of my gifts is this: I see below the surface. I see what I call spiritual “Undercurrents” that are what people really think or their true motives underlying what they do. My Friend whom I Love, I will call her… “Brianna:” Brave, courageous, loyal; to me, a rose among thorns. Another friend… and new friend to both of us... is “Jarid.”

And the Lord has seen fit to have Jarid Love My Friend Brianna, and to have My Friend and Trusted Companion Love Jarid. When I first met Jarid, I was suspicious, because I couldn’t read him… But I have since learned through prayer that this man, this Descendant of man, has one singular talent, either gifted by our Liege or long practiced… All that he does is on the surface… He has no or few hidden agendas. Everything he is, whether by his design or by our Lord's, is in the light.

I? I still sometimes continue to run things below the surface, sometimes for righteousness sake, sometimes for my own fears. In this, I still sometimes run in darkness, while he lives in light. Do I Love her? Yes. How do I know this? I have been left by the Lord to act on Wisdom, not just permission, and he gave me His Wisdom. “Love her by Losing.”

Is this because of fear? No, I can honestly say that, for I finally had an opportunity to speak to her of my feelings, and I said nothing. Not because of Fear that he was better for her, for fear of rejection, or fear of anything, rather because I could look and see her “undercurrents” and that was the first time in all my history with her when I saw her completely filled with Joy, and when I opened my literal eyes, They were together.

Even this would not have deterred me, but one who I honor greatly and submit to gave me Godly wisdom and said to not speak (a long story that I may relate in part with the next section in this Journey, "Godliness").

“Do you Love her, My Dread Warrior?” My Liege then asked me.

“You know I do, Lord!”

“Then Love her… By Losing her.”

This, the ultimate step in trust and in Perseverance. To Love by Losing.

Is what I feel Love? I can honestly saw that, in Love’s entirety, I don’t know, but I do know this: With everything my Lord has taught me to, I do Love her. And now, I will Love her by Losing. I am called by my Lord a warrior, a Dread Warrior, and now, I must Lose.

This was not a decision made lightly; it took the council of one whom I honor deeply, that and many tears of submission to my Lord.

Will the Lord someday look and say, “Now is the time, My son.” I hope so. I hope it's soon! I hope so with all my heart. I hope that someday I will be the man that He will make to Love His daughter. I know that I have asked Him to make it abundantly clear to me if it is so, ex. Knowing that she has gone through this same lesson as I, hearing that somehow she has asked for the same as I, or having my mentor find that the Lord has said that I have learned what I need to and to say “out of thin air” that he believes that the Lord’s time for that is now… But until this “maybe time” I will do everything I can in my life and my spirit to be the Absolute Best Friend that she could ever have (an exercise in Brotherly Kindness).

This is perseverance.

This is Love. For I Love her, and my Father God Loves her even more.

This is learning to be an image, an epitome, an imitator of what my Jesus would do to the Nations, to my friends, my family, myself.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Learning to Trust Him in all,
-David