The Prelude of Love, The Journey of Faith: Part 5 - Perseverance

"...and to self-control, perseverance..."
-2 Peter 1:6

I’m sure that after my last post it seemed ironic that this has been so long in the making. However, this has been a rather long and exhausting lesson for me on the attribute of Perseverance.

In my last post I focused on one very specific portion of Self-Control, because that was the aspect that was being most portrayed around and in me at the time, I tried to do the same here, because to fully examine Perseverance or Patience would take an entire life, if not more, but between the beginning of this post and the end, I learned many lessons regarding Perseverance (including one very interesting one about Solomon) and ended up brushing many different points.

One thing that noted is that the creation or formation of anything worth something requires incomparable amounts of Perseverance. As such, they all contain aspects of Perseverance, the chief of these (in my rather limited experience) being Trust.

“I know I can trust you.” A simple, yet earth-shattering phrase.

Recently, I stood in the middle of a store, and I had been making it a point to look in every face, and in each, I saw sorrow, fear, in some even despair, but every face had a measure of either pride of lack of self-esteem. On none did I see true Joy, and on only one could I see Peace; the face of an infant who looked at me quizzically as he was strolled by.

What have we done here, when Peace is only seen on the face of an infant? When what Joy we see is so often merely a mask, hiding more pain, sorrow, suffering? A month ago I could say that My Best Friend smiles frequently, but often those smiles are only to hide her tears. Now, for several reasons, those times have been more frequent, and the times when her smiles are true, when Joy simply escapes her in laughter… Those times are priceless.

I remember playing Mini-Golf at a church outing, and out of the blue, she mentioned how so many deep promises are left un-kept, how so many times pain from those promises now broken.

Psalms states that God looks down from heaven and asks, “Are there any who understand… Any who seek Me?” David’s response: “I want to be he whose walk is blameless… he who does what is righteous… he who speaks the Truth from his heart.” My addition to that: I want God to say; “I know I can trust you.”

At a conference, I had the pleasure of attending a song was sung, “Jesus, I’ll always stand for You” was the focus of the song, and of course, after the conclusion of the song, there was cheering, clapping, even jumping… But then, the group that I saw who was the most fervent in their praise… Well, a large camera taping the event turned their way, and things changed. Suddenly cries of “I Love You Jesus!” changed to “We Love you [band]!” “Hi Mom!” and “Look at me!!!” But then something happened.

After the fervor had been spent, when most were returning to their seats, out of the silence, two lone voices split the air. I couldn’t hear what one said, but the other shouted a word in Aramaic… “Teruah!” Victory! And in that moment… All Heaven broke loose!

I wish that I could say that those moments when heaven and earth touched changed the lives of all in the arena… but I can’t. Mere hours after this incredible breakthrough I witnessed many who had been there fall, some hard, some not so hard, but all falling. I almost gave up hope that their lives had been changed when something happens that still brings Joy to my heart when I remember.

A Friend stood up. She stood up and Shone. Suddenly, she changed, from a beautiful maiden in spiritual bondage, to a glowingly beyond beautiful, mighty Sword Sister for Christ. She stood, and the world tore away like wet paper bags, fear and doubt fled from her like evil from righteousness, and my Joy was made full.

Through the time since then, I have had the immeasurable privilege of watching her grow in our Liege, Persevering in righteousness, and flying far beyond what I thought she could in the time since then. Unfortunately, one thing has marred my Joy… On that day of breakthrough, I learned many things, but one thing that I should have learned, I didn’t.

“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth…”
-Isaiah 54:4

I can look at a gang with weapons drawn and colors bright and not fear; I can and have stared death in the face and rejoiced because it could only draw me closer to my Lord; I have entered into Spiritual battle and known that my Liege would keep me; but I never learned to look at something of my heart and trust Him. If you’ve read many of my previous posts, you’ll know that I’m sure that I have begun to like and maybe Love my Friend.

To summarize, I asked the Lord to teach me to Love, and let me Love her (hence this long lesson on the Prelude of Love – The Journey of Faith). Also, in God-given Wisdom, I asked the Lord that if His will was for her not to Love me back, I would simply be the best Friend she ever could have (the implication being that we would remain Friends either way).

Anyway, back to my marred Joy.

For a time, in my prayers I found that I shouldn’t act on my emotions, probably because they were still just emotions, nothing more, but little by little, as I have learned of Love, things have changed. Even when my emotions are against me, I have found lessons that the Lord has taught, bring the same feeling of kinship, honor, and trust toward her, even that one that I believe is Love. The Problem? Even with the experience of horrible things and not fearing, I still fear that timeless task of speaking one’s heart to another; for less than a month ago (from this penning) the Lord gave me permission to come and lay my heart before her.

But before you dismiss this as the random writings of a normally deranged youth, hear what my next lesson was.

As I prepared myself to speak, readying myself for either dismissal or acceptance, I grew to learn something… For a long time, it could be objectively stated that I might have been the best person for her… but less than a week after my permission was granted the Lord, it was postscripted with one sentence that will last me for a long while… “But my son, she has walked in darkness long enough, it is good for her to walk in light.”

One of my gifts is this: I see below the surface. I see what I call spiritual “Undercurrents” that are what people really think or their true motives underlying what they do. My Friend whom I Love, I will call her… “Brianna:” Brave, courageous, loyal; to me, a rose among thorns. Another friend… and new friend to both of us... is “Jarid.”

And the Lord has seen fit to have Jarid Love My Friend Brianna, and to have My Friend and Trusted Companion Love Jarid. When I first met Jarid, I was suspicious, because I couldn’t read him… But I have since learned through prayer that this man, this Descendant of man, has one singular talent, either gifted by our Liege or long practiced… All that he does is on the surface… He has no or few hidden agendas. Everything he is, whether by his design or by our Lord's, is in the light.

I? I still sometimes continue to run things below the surface, sometimes for righteousness sake, sometimes for my own fears. In this, I still sometimes run in darkness, while he lives in light. Do I Love her? Yes. How do I know this? I have been left by the Lord to act on Wisdom, not just permission, and he gave me His Wisdom. “Love her by Losing.”

Is this because of fear? No, I can honestly say that, for I finally had an opportunity to speak to her of my feelings, and I said nothing. Not because of Fear that he was better for her, for fear of rejection, or fear of anything, rather because I could look and see her “undercurrents” and that was the first time in all my history with her when I saw her completely filled with Joy, and when I opened my literal eyes, They were together.

Even this would not have deterred me, but one who I honor greatly and submit to gave me Godly wisdom and said to not speak (a long story that I may relate in part with the next section in this Journey, "Godliness").

“Do you Love her, My Dread Warrior?” My Liege then asked me.

“You know I do, Lord!”

“Then Love her… By Losing her.”

This, the ultimate step in trust and in Perseverance. To Love by Losing.

Is what I feel Love? I can honestly saw that, in Love’s entirety, I don’t know, but I do know this: With everything my Lord has taught me to, I do Love her. And now, I will Love her by Losing. I am called by my Lord a warrior, a Dread Warrior, and now, I must Lose.

This was not a decision made lightly; it took the council of one whom I honor deeply, that and many tears of submission to my Lord.

Will the Lord someday look and say, “Now is the time, My son.” I hope so. I hope it's soon! I hope so with all my heart. I hope that someday I will be the man that He will make to Love His daughter. I know that I have asked Him to make it abundantly clear to me if it is so, ex. Knowing that she has gone through this same lesson as I, hearing that somehow she has asked for the same as I, or having my mentor find that the Lord has said that I have learned what I need to and to say “out of thin air” that he believes that the Lord’s time for that is now… But until this “maybe time” I will do everything I can in my life and my spirit to be the Absolute Best Friend that she could ever have (an exercise in Brotherly Kindness).

This is perseverance.

This is Love. For I Love her, and my Father God Loves her even more.

This is learning to be an image, an epitome, an imitator of what my Jesus would do to the Nations, to my friends, my family, myself.

Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

Learning to Trust Him in all,
-David